My Tolerance For Pain – From the Eyes of Another

I handle pain well. What most people would consider painful, I can bare, but just because I can does that mean I should? I still feel the same pain they do.

I think this does me a disservice. You see, I’m like the British in this manner, “Oh dear, it would appear my arm has been just been separated from my body. Well I must say, this certainly will make texting most rather difficult.”

Ok, I’m not to that level. Ask my wife. If I get a kidney stone, I’ll be screaming Bloody Mary.

But I feel like doctors see this nonchalance and brush me off. Recently in dealing with my teeth, the doctor gave me codeine when I asked for something stronger.

His response, “You appear to be handling the pain fine so that should do the trick.”

Now, I wanted to grab him by the arm, pull him in close to me and say softly, “Listen Doctor, I don’t care what you think you see. I’m in pain. Now I think it’s time you start taking my words seriously or we’re both going to be experiencing the same level of pain together, and I’m not sure you want that.”

I wanted to do that, but that would make me seem like a crazy person and certainly wouldn’t accomplish my goal. I’m working very hard not to come off as the crazy type, so these actions would be counter to my “Remain Sane” agenda. Therefore I chose a different route.

I smiled and agreed.

Then I began to realize something.

I never smile and agree.

What is this? As a male I demanded what was coming to me and the world be damned if I didn’t get it.

And I got it.

Now, I just don’t feel like my opinion is heard or matters.

Is this because I’m transitioning?

Is this the activation of preprogrammed behavior combined with the lack of competition creating testosterone, compounded by the preprogramming of the other individual now that they see me as female?

I thought females were the “weaker” sex. So give me my pills right?

That can’t be it.

Or could it?

I don’t know. Right now, I’m going to chalk it up to trying to be pleasant when I want to scream my head off. Next time, I’ll choose the latter. They usually just give me whatever to shut me up then.

And that’s fine with me.

 – Charlize <3

Cover image credit: Unknown

Love Birds – Overcoming Ego to Find Love

When we first started dating, one of our dates was at Pinot’s Palette. A place where they walk you through painting something while you mostly drink wine. I had never painted anything before of any considerable value to me and this was turning out rather splendid. I was following the instructions to the letter and it was going to look just like the original. Erin, however, had a different idea.

“Let’s put them in the same forest together,” she said.

“What?” I asked. “I’m trying to get it to look just like the original. You don’t know how much this means to me.”

You see all my life I considered myself an inferior artist as I grew up with a mother that could draw a detailed skyline of Dallas with pen and ink. She could paint gorgeous depictions of human emotion that touched me deeply. I have the hands of a surgeon and still cannot match that which birthed me.

It bothered me. Deeply. I became so focused that I didn’t even care about the world around me. Here we are on one of the first few dates and I’m more concerned about pleasing my ego than finding true love.

Then we finished. Erin had been paining too, of course, but she followed her heart.

I looked to see the picture on the left, the one she painted. There was no moon. Just trees and a bird. The bird looking right at mine.

“See,” she said, “now they’re in the same forest. Just like love birds.”

If you were to ask me when I knew I would love her forever I would have many answers for you and this would be one of them.

I think about it every time I see these two. I was so full of ego and she so full of love. It reminds me. I belong on the other side of the forest, with her.

 – Charlize <3

Cover image credit: Charlize Veritas

Happy Transgender Birthday! – Huffington Post Blog

My Second Huffington Post Blog post is now live! Please read this before you jump to wish someone who is transgender “happy” birthday. We never know what someone else has been through and is going through. We can’t. Transgender or not. So, please take time to put yourself in someone else’s shoes before you interact with them. No matter who they are, they are human just like you.

Click here to be taken to my blog post on the Huffington Post!

Love,

 – Charlize <3

Cover image credit: Unknown (Getty Images)