I handle pain well. What most people would consider painful, I can bare, but just because I can does that mean I should? I still feel the same pain they do.
I think this does me a disservice. You see, I’m like the British in this manner, “Oh dear, it would appear my arm has been just been separated from my body. Well I must say, this certainly will make texting most rather difficult.”
Ok, I’m not to that level. Ask my wife. If I get a kidney stone, I’ll be screaming Bloody Mary.
But I feel like doctors see this nonchalance and brush me off. Recently in dealing with my teeth, the doctor gave me codeine when I asked for something stronger.
His response, “You appear to be handling the pain fine so that should do the trick.”
Now, I wanted to grab him by the arm, pull him in close to me and say softly, “Listen Doctor, I don’t care what you think you see. I’m in pain. Now I think it’s time you start taking my words seriously or we’re both going to be experiencing the same level of pain together, and I’m not sure you want that.”
I wanted to do that, but that would make me seem like a crazy person and certainly wouldn’t accomplish my goal. I’m working very hard not to come off as the crazy type, so these actions would be counter to my “Remain Sane” agenda. Therefore I chose a different route.
I smiled and agreed.
Then I began to realize something.
I never smile and agree.
What is this? As a male I demanded what was coming to me and the world be damned if I didn’t get it.
And I got it.
Now, I just don’t feel like my opinion is heard or matters.
Is this because I’m transitioning?
Is this the activation of preprogrammed behavior combined with the lack of competition creating testosterone, compounded by the preprogramming of the other individual now that they see me as female?
I thought females were the “weaker” sex. So give me my pills right?
That can’t be it.
Or could it?
I don’t know. Right now, I’m going to chalk it up to trying to be pleasant when I want to scream my head off. Next time, I’ll choose the latter. They usually just give me whatever to shut me up then.
And that’s fine with me.
– Charlize <3
Cover image credit: Unknown